Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Two Face?


Lately I've been meeting with Sister Potter about once a week. We've been talking about a lot of different things, but this last week we talked about the fact that I am in fact, two different people. Don't look so shocked. You knew it was true. But if you didn't, let me explain.
Ever since I was young, I have been very shy. I have a really hard time talking to people I don't know, and the fact that my chin wiggles doesn't usually make the situation any better, because it betrays any nervousness I feel before I get a chance to even attempt to mask it. But starting in high school I began to compensate for that by being kind of...very...loud and rambunctious. I am a lot to handle when I am being that Maren. The sassy flirty brazen ready to go do almost anything Maren is what most people see most of the time. Even when she is upset or sad she is still loud about it. In fact, I have a hard time turning her off.
But sometimes she does turn off, and the world gets a glimpse of the "other Maren". This other Maren might actually be a truer version of myself, since she has been around longer. I have known her a lot longer, even if the rest of you haven't. The funny thing is, when people see this me, they assume something is wrong. What? Maren quiet? No, never! Actually...yes.
The thing is, one Maren is too loud and talks too much and is crazy, and the other is too quiet and doesn't talk enough. So how do I take those two girls and meld them into one balanced woman who people want to be around, and feel that they can connect with? It's hard, because like I said before, I have two settings, and not much in between, so I kind of have to build a whole new set of switches to accommodate the person I want to become. And I have no idea why I just published this on my blog. Accountability maybe? To explain why I will (hopefully) be a bit more quiet in the future? Who knows.
Oh, and for those of you dying to know, the picture represents the two parts of me. The curly hair and no makeup is the shy Maren, and the straight hair and make up is the out there loud Maren that everyone sees.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love all of you!

Anonymous said...

I so know the feeling. Stinks when your mask becomes the repository of some of the best parts of your personality, and yet obscures all the others.