Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Schrodinger's Cat

"In 1935, Erwin Schrodinger, in an attempt to explain the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum physics; he proposed an experiment where a cat is placed in a box with a sealed vial of poison that will break open at a random time. Now, since no one knows when or if the poison has been released until the box is opened, the cat can be thought of as both alive and dead...
Just like Schrodinger's cat, your potential relationship with Leonard right now can be thought of as both good and bad. It is only by opening the box that you'll find out which it is."

This comes from an episode of Big Bang Theory. Two of the characters are thinking about going out on a date, but they are worried about awkwardness, so they both go to a friend for advice. The advice they get is Schrodinger's cat. And it's brilliant.

Dating, and all relationships are that way. You never know unless you take the plunge. Yes it could be bad, but you don't know unless you try.

The best thing about this concept is that there are myriad applications. It really applies to everything in life, although at this point in my life, dating sticks out the most.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Someone recently told me that I am brave because I can talk about my emotions and deeper problems with other people and cry. Or at least that's what I think this person said, I could have completely misinterpreted and am now giving myself way too much credit. But it still got me thinking. The sociologist in me stretched and said "Why do we not talk about deeper emotions and share things? And why would someone consider that brave?" Because I consider it being a burden on others, but I can't help myself, I have to get those things out or I will explode.

As I look at the conversations I have with my friends, the people I work with, and my family, I see a few things. We talk a lot. There are very few moments when I am by myself, or even just one on one with another person. This type of atmosphere is not particularly conducive to even getting to a point where deeper topics even come up. The bigger the group, the more uncomfortable it is.
So we are never in situations where we can talk about anything more than six inches deep, twelve if you're lucky. Which makes me sad. I crave deeper conversation.

There is also the fact that certain people fill certain roles in our lives. Some people we hang out with a lot, but don't talk about much with, others we might not see very often, but they are a comforting shoulder to cry on every time we see them. If someone is always a part of a group of friends we hang out with, they are probably not going to be someone we confide in, as opposed to someone we hang out with one on one, simply because of the nature of the time spent together.

We are also largely a product of our individualistic and privatized western society. Privacy and freedom are our most valued possessions. If we let someone know about our deepest fears, hurts and problems, we give those things up. We sacrifice a lot of privacy, obviously. We give up freedom with that privacy because with the knowledge we have just given to the person we share with, we give them a piece of control over our situation. The size of that piece is dependent on the relationship between us and them, but we feel that we could very well be placing our lives in their hands. That is why a lot of people have trouble sharing deep fears and troubles. They are afraid of giving up that freedom.

Love is giving that knowledge freely to another person and trusting that they will not abuse it.

Now to the second part: Why would someone consider me brave?
Well, the only thing I can think of is that because of years of therapy I have grown accustomed to getting things off my chest to a third party, and as I said earlier, if I don't I will explode. I try to hold it in, but when I can stand it no longer, I have to find someone to talk to. So I do. I cry. I'm used to crying in front of people. I realize that telling people things does not mean that I am giving up any freedoms. It is actually incredibly liberating. I only hope that I am not burdening them, which is one advantage of a licensed therapist. They are paid to listen. *Dream job* if I could leave it at work. So I am not brave, just well practiced. There are plenty of other areas I need a lot of work in.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Two Face?

Lately I've been meeting with Sister Potter about once a week. We've been talking about a lot of different things, but this last week we talked about the fact that I am in fact, two different people. Don't look so shocked. You knew it was true. But if you didn't, let me explain.
Ever since I was young, I have been very shy. I have a really hard time talking to people I don't know, and the fact that my chin wiggles doesn't usually make the situation any better, because it betrays any nervousness I feel before I get a chance to even attempt to mask it. But starting in high school I began to compensate for that by being kind of...very...loud and rambunctious. I am a lot to handle when I am being that Maren. The sassy flirty brazen ready to go do almost anything Maren is what most people see most of the time. Even when she is upset or sad she is still loud about it. In fact, I have a hard time turning her off.
But sometimes she does turn off, and the world gets a glimpse of the "other Maren". This other Maren might actually be a truer version of myself, since she has been around longer. I have known her a lot longer, even if the rest of you haven't. The funny thing is, when people see this me, they assume something is wrong. What? Maren quiet? No, never! Actually...yes.
The thing is, one Maren is too loud and talks too much and is crazy, and the other is too quiet and doesn't talk enough. So how do I take those two girls and meld them into one balanced woman who people want to be around, and feel that they can connect with? It's hard, because like I said before, I have two settings, and not much in between, so I kind of have to build a whole new set of switches to accommodate the person I want to become. And I have no idea why I just published this on my blog. Accountability maybe? To explain why I will (hopefully) be a bit more quiet in the future? Who knows.
Oh, and for those of you dying to know, the picture represents the two parts of me. The curly hair and no makeup is the shy Maren, and the straight hair and make up is the out there loud Maren that everyone sees.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Drama as a GOOD Thing? Gasp!

Okay, I am well aware that I will probably get lynched for this, but here goes...
Everyone I hang out with has been complaining about how much drama there is in our lives lately, and that it sucks, and that boys and girls are stupid and that the whole world is coming to an end and we will all be single forever and the rock bucket is the evil of the world, blah blah blah...whatever. The rock bucket is officially retired. But I digress...
So this has been on my mind a lot lately. And I have decided that we're all just whining. All of us. Yes, that is harsh, and yes, I have been one of the worst offenders, so I make a pledge now to not whine, and not get on kicks about how much guys or girls or dating suck. Because I have changed my mind. And this is why.
I think that what we have been calling drama is just trials. And trials are mandatory. Misery is a choice. Yes right now a lot of our trials have to do with dating, but that's just because of our age and situation in life. It sucks for everyone, and complaining doesn't make it any better. In fact, it probably makes it worse.
Drama is a good thing, because without it, we wouldn't know who our true friends are. We would not be able to grow from our adversity. We wouldn't be able to figure out how we handle difficulties and change that if need be. (Even if that need is medication...) We would not turn to the Lord because everything would be peachy keen. We would be everyone in the Book of Mormon who becomes lazy and unrighteous because everything is great. If everything is perfect and there isn't anything to work through, how do you know something is worth hanging onto? Without the hard times, you can't properly appreciate the good ones.
So I would like to say to all my friends out there who may be reading this, thank you for the good times, and even more,for the bad times, because we have stuck through them, and we are still friends. And that says a lot about us. We have, and will continue to make it through the drama.